Wouldn't you think you'd get better at most everything over the course of your life?
After living a half century I think by now I should be over losing things. Whether it's socks, shoes, keys or whatever the critical component of getting out the door is, it seems like I ought to have mastered it by now. However, while I have generally gotten better at putting things where they go and reaping all the benefits that implies, somehow life always seems to object to my organizational aspirations.
When something new gets added to my schedule, particularly something that requires me to carry a new piece of hardware out the door in the morning, the apples all seem to spill from the organization cart. When I focus intently on the new thing, then my old routine suffers.
About a month ago, I locked myself out of the house. I had a new thing to take with me that day. I had the thing in my hand but as a result had forgotten to check my pockets to make sure I had my keys. We have a contingency at our house for this sort of error. Since I hadn't used it for years (the good news), I wasn't altogether clear on where all the parts were. Eventually I found them. Of course I was late to my appointment...revealing my disorganization.
I'm finding it clearer than ever that time doesn't offer any guarantee of improvement. If you're like me, you're probably thinking something profound right now, like "DUH." However, consider how you think about the future. You assume your kids will get older, better, nicer. You assume your financial situation will improve. You assume your health will either remain as it is or you'll get everything fixed in short order. This is a very short list when compared against the real possibilities and yet look at all the potential for derailment.
Here are some contrary and ugly realities to consider. Over the next few years, you and people you love are going to experience varying degrees of sickness. Over the same period, you or your spouse will likely incur a financial set back. Then there's the kids... The possibilities here are almost endless. However, since I don't want you to think I'm trying to get even with you because you dismissively said "DUH" earlier, I'll stop. You can fill in your own gaps if you like. Just be advised though, the word for that is called "worry" and it is seldom helpful.
When we think positive thoughts about the future, we usually refer to those kind of thoughts as hopeful or optimistic. Hope and optimism are good and helpful. However, they can quite often fall prey to the bad things that eventually come to all flesh. Then of course, we resort to worry. Over time, if we're really dedicated to "doing better," we wrap ourselves around optimism and hope. Eventually, something or even a few somethings positive happen. Then we go back to assuming that good things will always follow. Wash, rinse, repeat.
This idea is not new. The earliest developed version I know of is found in the biblical book, Ecclesiastes. In fact, entire systems of thought and value have been built on this conundrum. I would add that so has much of Western Civilization. We assume that more information has made us smarter and better able to handle life. While I do think information and learning has improved our physical lot considerably, I think we might actually handle the business of living not quite as well as we have in times past.
I think the fallacies in this construct are found in focusing on the wrong things and looking too far ahead; all this driven by the vain imagining that all those "things" are out there (i.e. separated from us). The truth is this, while you might make small and/or temporary differences in what's going to happen next through carefully made plans, tomorrow is going to take care of itself with or without you, one way or another.
The worst part is that the pessimistic/optimistic construct hides the beautiful truth at the center of it all. You. You're not detached from the roller coaster. You're on it. You're not the tracks, the wheels or the cart but you are definitely riding, hanging on and leaning into every turn. And even more, you're the reason the ride is there at all. You can't hide from it, control more than your own place or jump off. As long as your alive, you ride. And by the way, we are only given as much control of the ride in any moment as God allows.
Sometimes I ask for changes in the ride. Sometimes they are granted. However, even then it's not my will being done. It's someone else adjusting there's to mine even as I work to adjust mine to theirs.
I am slowly learning to go with the ride God gave me and to see his reality in all of the roller coaster. It goes up and down and makes stupid, wild turns. It goes really fast sometimes and sometimes it's just the clunk clunk clunk up the long grade. The g-force, turn angle and even the speed don't matter. Still, how I engage it all counts for everything.
Now you'll have to excuse me. I have to go find my keys.
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