This 'n That

Some of this (and that) are things I've written about before.  Some of (this and) that are new things.  Don't look for relatedness or coherence.  I seldom do.

Forgiveness

The fake forgiveness ceremony:  

"HEY! You stepped on my foot!"

"Oh! I'm sorry." 

"That's all right. I forgive you."

Fake forgiveness is like a dance with 2 to n people.  All the dancers have to agree to move in time to the same music and then actually take the energy to move.  If any of the dancers happen to step on any feet during the forgiveness ceremony, everyone has to start over. 

Real forgiveness:

Jesus, while hanging on the cross allowing himself to be the victim of all mankind said, "Father forgive them for they don't know what they're doing."  He not only forgave us himself, he even argued a bit on our behalf.  No one danced.

Real forgiveness is unilateral and exists without a response from anyone else.  Real forgiveness is born in love (see below). 

Anger

Being angry isn't a sin.  It's what you do when your angry that potentially turns it into sin.  In any case though, I don't think anger is ever fun or even pleasant.  As someone once said, "Anger is like a headache.  It's not wrong to have one but why would you want one?"

Sacrifice

Sacrifice is nearly always confusing for nearly everyone.  Sacrifice gets confused with giving up food, sex, smoking, time, health, vigor, money, someone you love and almost anything you can think of.  All it ever really is, is "giving up," as in surrendering.  You can't surrender without actually surrendering something but the nature of the something usually matters little.  Here are some phrases that indicate the initiation of surrender:

"I don't need this anymore."

"I still REALLY feel like I need this but I'll just leave it here."

"I REALLY like doing                       but I think I'll just sacrifice it."

Sacrifice is an act of will, often ongoing.  Sometimes circumstances almost force it (i.e. having kids).  However, sacrifice can never be forced.  It is always a matter of will, a matter of choice.

Sometimes, maybe even often, depending on the nature of the sacrifice the sacrifice winds up not really feeling like sacrifice at all.  

Having an opinion

Morality is important.  Living according to it is important.  Having an opinion is not.

Expressing an opinion

Much less important than actually having an opinion.  Standing for morality though is important.  That's not because it's my opinion though.


Life and Death

Both are very real and exist for everyone reading this.  Those of us who believe in Christ believe there's a reason and reality associated with both.  Most of us aren't quite clear on the reason though because we haven't read or maybe yet understood the book of Job.  Many of us who follow Christ seem to get confused about death too. 

My wife likens the death of a loved one who dies in Christ to them being given a ticket to Hawaii with unlimited food, snorkeling and other fun things and even some serious lanai lounging.  The only kickers are that there isn't any cell service there and since they're going be very busy lanai lounging and doing fun things, you won't be able to talk to them until you get your ticket and can go there too.   Yes, it's sad missing someone you still love.  But they're OK.  In fact, they're a lot better than just OK.  They're getting really tan with no possibility of skin cancer, eating everything they want without getting fat and having great fun.  How sad can you really be for either them or you?

Fear

Fear usually starts out as being very helpful.  It can even help us to not go to Hawaii too soon.  However, over time things fear turns into things we try to avoid because they're unpleasant and even painful.  It can get so bad that we avoid everything, even parts of ourselves.  Fear is fine for hot stoves, the bulls in Pamplona, the face of Half Dome, race car driving and any numbers of other activities.  It's not so good for relationships and it has no place in the context of love.  If you have fear in a relationship, it should probably be sacrificed.  After the sacrifice, you might want to think about taking up something in it's place...maybe intention and purpose.

If you have fear about life and death, you should know that if you follow Christ you're going to Hawaii.  In fact, you're on your way right now.

Love

Love goes on forever.  It's the reason those who follow Christ don't die (sacrifice is in there too but it all starts with love - true sacrifice is always a kind of love).  Since we weren't designed for the brokenness in the place we live, our love often gets disappointed.  That can turn into fear if we're not careful.  If we let it though, the perfect love of Christ will pretty much toss our fear under the nearest bus. 

Sometimes we have to sacrifice something in the name of love.  That's OK though because the love we get in return for the sacrifice completes life and transcends death.  It's hard to imagine how you can accept that much love though if you're not able to sacrifice all of the hurts that have been done to you and give up your right (well - your right in your opinion anyway) to get even.  Well in point of fact, it's not just hard to imagine, it's impossible.

I hope none of this makes you angry but if it does I hope you forgive me.  I won't ask for forgiveness because you owe it to yourself and nothing to me and that's not just my opinion.  That's forgiveness...and love.  Most of all it's love.  

Letting Go

There are a lot of contradictory messages in life and there seems to be someone to carry the water for each of them.  For example, some espouse pursuing greatness while others think that one should pursue passion and that greatness will follow.  As with all such apparent contradictions, there will be those who have read both sets of books on the subject.  To explain or to try to integrate the two camps, they'll simply put "sometimes..." in front of both constructs and call it a day.  As in sometimes you have to pursue greatness and sometimes you have to pursue passion. 

All these types of arguments tend to be about doing something or maybe hanging on through tough circumstances.  I don't think they're bad (mostly), but there's a greater truth.  The real chore is always binary.  The real choice is whether to hang on or whether to let go. 

And in that context it's almost always time to be letting go of something.  Letting go is not about sometimes.  Letting go is very important as is in fact one of the things that makes us human and gives us life.

Even hanging on is wrapped in a big package of letting go.  If you're hanging on to something, presumably you're either trying to go wherever it goes or keep it from leaving.  Inside that reality, choices exist.  Do I hang on and leave everything behind?  Do I choose to stop hanging on and let the person or opportunity go?

It's true that there are things pertaining to identity that represent the DNA of who you are that are important to hang on to.  Faith and morality are examples of these as are family (where you came from) and even friends (at lest the close ones who you allow to participate in the unfolding definition of your identity).  However the list is remarkably short.

Most things come and stay awhile and then must be released.  That includes virtually all the stuff in your closet and garage and even includes your closet and garage.  More distant friends will also be let go as they move away or move on.  There just isn't enough of whatever to support all the stuff or enough time to support everyone.  Some, must be let go.

It's counter intuitive, but we seem to hang on to pain with a grip that borders and occasionally transgresses into the desperate.   Whether it's continuing to hate someone who wronged us years ago (hate's essentially the same thing as not forgiving) or our own feelings of inadequacy or even nursing a physical wound long since healed, we hang on to our catalog of things and crutches like grim death.  Exactly like grim death as a matter of fact. 

Our place here is not forever.  That is what learning to let go teaches us.