Sickness

I've probably had more than my fair share of interesting friends and acquaintances over the years.  This was particularly true in high school and college.  In high school I had a friend Dave, that went on an "expedition" (his words) to the Salton Sea.  He was going with some of his family's friends.  Dave told me he was taking his new shotgun and that they were going hunting.  I asked him what they were going to be hunting.  Dave said that when he asked that question of the guy that was taking him he was told, "Anything that moves."

He sent me a post card while on his expedition. It opened with this line:  "I hope you're healthy.  That might seem like an odd greeting but if you're sick, you'll know what I mean."  The last ten or so days, I've known what he meant...again.  I don't have anything seriously wrong but I've had a nasty, persistent and constantly morphing cold for way too long now.  I won't go into the specific symptoms (you're welcome) but suffice to say this particular ailment has manifested every possible cold related physiological process. 

There are a few possible categories of human response to sickness of all kinds.  Among these are denial, fear, being stoic and the ever popular whining.  There are more of course and as is the case with most of us most of the time, we don't like to limit ourselves to just one. Particularly when we don't feel well for more than say, fifteen minutes.

I haven't really had fear with this cold.  However, I have had frustration, impatience, definitely denial and yea verily even a little bit of whining. 

Thanks to the current biological onslaught, I find myself now settling into something I first learned around the time that I received that post card from the Salton Sea.  It's taken longer this time than it usually does.  It's a lesson I always manage to completely forget when I'm healthy and feeling good.  Sometimes when denial works it's evil magic and I get well sooner rather than later, I miss it all together.  This of course means that I miss the hidden (sometimes well hidden) value in sickness, discomfort and even misery. 

One of the flavors of whining you hear when people have colds is to the effect that the brain of the afflicted is not firing on all cylinders.  Even the memory of what cylinders actually are may seem a bit distant.  Taken together with the more obvious difficulties, the whole sick package becomes a wonderful invitation to take a seat and be quiet for awhile.  Quiet is a step on the way to the lesson.

The lesson I've learned from sickness and have forgotten too many times over the years is this, wait.  While that seems simple here's what our reaction virtually always is to being made to wait:  "And while I'm waiting, I can read a book, watch movies, feel sorry for myself..."  and on and on.  Here's another way to communicate what wait means in this context:  "Shhhhhhh. Just be still."

Illness is an invitation to acknowledge our limitations and weaknesses.  Weakness is an invitation to faith.  Faith is an invitation to everything good about being created human.  And the most important good thing about being created human is love.

Here I sit typing with an upper respiratory tract chocked full of that which shall not be named.  I'm not waiting right now exactly but I have remembered the intrinsic beauty of the place which I've fallen into.  For example, there's music playing and for the first time in years, I can hear each note the band strikes on their instruments, even the drummer's feet.  At the same time, I can hear them all playing together.  I'm not there yet but after ten days of this garbage (note how hard the whining dies) I'm finally becoming still. 

God's here.  He's no more here of course than he is when I'm busy working, rushing and worrying.  However, as I fall into forced stillness born out of weakness, I can see a little more clearly through the veil.  I can hear his whispering without leaning quite so far forward.  I'm a little closer and he's beautiful.

After a few decades I can say, "Yes Dave.  I do know what you mean."