Social sin, brokenness, giving offense, whatever it's called is sometimes an act of will. That is, sometimes people set out to deliberately wound someone else with their words. For most of us most of the time though, such things start as an unintentional offense born of our own struggles and issues. As a simple example, how many of us know someone that makes rude, self-aggrandizing or inappropriate remarks in a social setting? And, how many of us can look in the mirror and see a person sometimes like that? I can.
Except in extreme cases, this usually comes from a problem in the way we see ourselves versus the way we actually are. That may sound strange but it's actually quite common throughout history, literature and the bible.
It was so common an idea in the ancient world that the Greeks had a word for it. That is, hubris. The idea of hubris lives on today in a somewhat confusing modern word, pride. Pride is fine when it lines up with the way things are; that is, with the way we were made to be. Hubris though is a kind of pride in which you see yourself as a bigger deal than you really are. This is always a problem.
There's a conceptual problem of more recent vintage that has the opposite polarity. Namely, that we view ourselves and sometimes act in a way that communicates that we are less than we really are. We might call this insecurity, poor self image or any number of psycho-jargon phrases. When not taken to extremes, this type of self deprecation has a good side too. We call the good side of this issue, modesty.
These two extremes have one thing in common. That is, they both mark a distance between the reality of who we are versus an inaccurate self-perception of how we see ourselves. When we think, believe or act out of that misconception, we really can't help but "miss the mark." Put another way, how can you hit the target if all your points of reference are wrong?
The good news is that sometimes by sudden miracle, sometimes over time and experience, even painful experience relationship with Christ closes the distance between who we think we are and who we were actually made to be. Over time with Christ and in concert with his body, we gradually stop making up ideas of how we need to act and be and instead realize both the wonderful substance and beautiful broken need of who we were spoken to be.
As we are gradually moved toward completion, our vision of the process and the goal becomes clearer. As Christ brings us closer to himself, we become more of who we were always intended to be.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Nouwen on Forgiveness
I'm offering another Nouwen re-post today. I have found forgiveness to be the greatest stronghold of the enemy of men's souls in both myself and others. I've encountered no other teaching of Jesus which is as clear and yet is denied by so many otherwise mature Christians. There are in fact, entire doctrines built on the idea that Jesus really isn't saying what he plainly is. Here, Nouwen encapsulates the idea well. We must learn to partner in the hard work with Christ that is required to surrender the hurt and anger of offenses inflicted on us.
Remember Jesus' question to the blind paralytic, "Do you want to be well?" (John 5:1-5) Do we? If we do, we must surrender our own ideas of justice and submit instead to Christ's.
Healing Our Hearts Through Forgiveness
How can we forgive those who do not want to be forgiven? Our deepest desire is that the forgiveness we offer will be received. This mutuality between giving and receiving is what creates peace and harmony. But if our condition for giving forgiveness is that it will be received, we seldom will forgive! Forgiving the other is first and foremost an inner movement. It is an act that removes anger, bitterness, and the desire for revenge from our hearts and helps us to reclaim our human dignity. We cannot force those we want to forgive into accepting our forgiveness. They might not be able or willing do so. They may not even know or feel that they have wounded us.
The only people we can really change are ourselves. Forgiving others is first and foremost healing our own hearts.
Remember Jesus' question to the blind paralytic, "Do you want to be well?" (John 5:1-5) Do we? If we do, we must surrender our own ideas of justice and submit instead to Christ's.
Healing Our Hearts Through Forgiveness
How can we forgive those who do not want to be forgiven? Our deepest desire is that the forgiveness we offer will be received. This mutuality between giving and receiving is what creates peace and harmony. But if our condition for giving forgiveness is that it will be received, we seldom will forgive! Forgiving the other is first and foremost an inner movement. It is an act that removes anger, bitterness, and the desire for revenge from our hearts and helps us to reclaim our human dignity. We cannot force those we want to forgive into accepting our forgiveness. They might not be able or willing do so. They may not even know or feel that they have wounded us.
The only people we can really change are ourselves. Forgiving others is first and foremost healing our own hearts.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Shadows of the Garden
Most of us know some form of the "In the beginning..." story. To recap, Adam and Eve were created by God and placed in a perfect garden that was free of strife. They had one instruction, don't eat the fruit of a particular tree. They disobeyed and consequence ensued. What follows is an allegory of that story.
The tree in the middle of the garden was impossible to miss because of one singular feature. On the side away from the light, it cast a deep, black shadow, completely unlike the ever so slight shadow of contrast cast by everything else in the garden. All the other shadows were really only little more than outlines. The shadow of this one tree was ominous, every bit as ominous as God's instruction to not eat it's fruit. And as we know, the mystery of this tree proved to be more than Adam and Eve chose...or possibly even, could resist. (In the end, the difference between those words matters not at all.)
In the moment Adam and Eve ate the fruit, dark shadows attached to everything, even Adam and Eve. Adam and Eve saw the shadows but more importantly saw many many things in the shadows they'd never seen before. None of these were good. Also, for the first time, they saw themselves and became self-conscious and ashamed.
When God found his children, he was not surprised at what they'd done, but he was still broken hearted. He knew how much things had changed and what the shadows meant for him and for them. The garden could not help them anymore so he made them clothes and sent them on their way. Because there was too much for them to learn about the shadows all at once, he continued to show up from time to time and help them and even their kids with things that weren't always clear.
Over time, more and more about the nature of shadows and how to live with them was revealed. There were a couple of interesting parts. One was that anything that was in a shadow died. The sad thing about this was that men and women soon got even better at seeing shadows and eventually realized that there was a kind of dim shadow over everything. The other thing was that there were small nasty beings that lived only in shadows. These were called demons.
God helped with this too by teaching man about avoiding shadows and their consequences. These teachings were called laws. Laws were created for our good. The laws failed though because man couldn't keep the laws any more than Adam and Eve could resist the fruit in the garden. In the end, man worshiped the laws themselves and forgot why God created them in the first place.
From the beginning of this story, God had a plan that went beyond just living with the shadows. He wanted to get rid of all shadows both great and small and replace them with nothing but light.
The key to this plan was his son. His son was complete light from the beginning. At one point, the son took on shadow, even to the point of complete blackness and death. This also broke God's heart. Even so, the shadow of death couldn't stop the light. In 3 days, the son again appeared to man, revealing himself as the source of light that he is to this day and forevermore. Shadows in the world of men still remain but they no longer have any power. And all man has to do is ask the son to help him out of the shadows. The son can do that because of who he is and because he knows better than anyone that shadows can't hold us.
Men still stumble into shadows when they're not watching where they're going or what they're doing. This is true even for men that have been helped by the son before. The son knew this would happen and that if something wasn't done, pretty soon the shadows would trick man into thinking they still had power over him. So, the son left us so that we wouldn't just look at him all the time. But that's not all he did. He also sent a spirit of light to live in everyone who'd ask. It's that spirit that makes all of us beautiful facets of the one great light, and eventually eliminates the shadows in us.
Soon, both the son and the spirit will be here on earth, together. Even so, the echoes of the shadows will still remain for yet awhile. Because of this, we must always remember that the light in us is both for us and for others. We must always share what we've been given so that everyone can see the light.
The tree in the middle of the garden was impossible to miss because of one singular feature. On the side away from the light, it cast a deep, black shadow, completely unlike the ever so slight shadow of contrast cast by everything else in the garden. All the other shadows were really only little more than outlines. The shadow of this one tree was ominous, every bit as ominous as God's instruction to not eat it's fruit. And as we know, the mystery of this tree proved to be more than Adam and Eve chose...or possibly even, could resist. (In the end, the difference between those words matters not at all.)
In the moment Adam and Eve ate the fruit, dark shadows attached to everything, even Adam and Eve. Adam and Eve saw the shadows but more importantly saw many many things in the shadows they'd never seen before. None of these were good. Also, for the first time, they saw themselves and became self-conscious and ashamed.
When God found his children, he was not surprised at what they'd done, but he was still broken hearted. He knew how much things had changed and what the shadows meant for him and for them. The garden could not help them anymore so he made them clothes and sent them on their way. Because there was too much for them to learn about the shadows all at once, he continued to show up from time to time and help them and even their kids with things that weren't always clear.
Over time, more and more about the nature of shadows and how to live with them was revealed. There were a couple of interesting parts. One was that anything that was in a shadow died. The sad thing about this was that men and women soon got even better at seeing shadows and eventually realized that there was a kind of dim shadow over everything. The other thing was that there were small nasty beings that lived only in shadows. These were called demons.
God helped with this too by teaching man about avoiding shadows and their consequences. These teachings were called laws. Laws were created for our good. The laws failed though because man couldn't keep the laws any more than Adam and Eve could resist the fruit in the garden. In the end, man worshiped the laws themselves and forgot why God created them in the first place.
From the beginning of this story, God had a plan that went beyond just living with the shadows. He wanted to get rid of all shadows both great and small and replace them with nothing but light.
The key to this plan was his son. His son was complete light from the beginning. At one point, the son took on shadow, even to the point of complete blackness and death. This also broke God's heart. Even so, the shadow of death couldn't stop the light. In 3 days, the son again appeared to man, revealing himself as the source of light that he is to this day and forevermore. Shadows in the world of men still remain but they no longer have any power. And all man has to do is ask the son to help him out of the shadows. The son can do that because of who he is and because he knows better than anyone that shadows can't hold us.
Men still stumble into shadows when they're not watching where they're going or what they're doing. This is true even for men that have been helped by the son before. The son knew this would happen and that if something wasn't done, pretty soon the shadows would trick man into thinking they still had power over him. So, the son left us so that we wouldn't just look at him all the time. But that's not all he did. He also sent a spirit of light to live in everyone who'd ask. It's that spirit that makes all of us beautiful facets of the one great light, and eventually eliminates the shadows in us.
Soon, both the son and the spirit will be here on earth, together. Even so, the echoes of the shadows will still remain for yet awhile. Because of this, we must always remember that the light in us is both for us and for others. We must always share what we've been given so that everyone can see the light.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Peace and the Surprise of Back and Forth
There's a lot in the writings of Henry David Thoreau with which I disagree. Still, in On Walden Pond and other works, he makes a good many observations about living in solitude in close contact with nature that are beautiful, true and sometimes even helpful.
He writes early in OWP that he was surprised that while he moved into a natural setting, in part to not be subject to the work-a-day grind of city life, he still carried many routines with him into the woods.
In particular, he observes that after two weeks living, he'd already worn a trail to the pond. He deems the fact of that path to be a problem, given what he'd moved to the woods to do.
If he and I'd talked about this before he'd left (I can't think why he didn't call), I'd have bet him lunch money that he'd have carried with him a great number of his old routines and once there, created other new ones to accommodate his new life. After all, it was his adventure, not someone else's...of course he'd take himself.
For Thoreau, the surprise was in his reflexive creation of new routine. I think that was a confusion. I'd submit that routine isn't intrinsically either good or bad. It's how we live and listen in our routines that gives them their great good value or that can even cause them to be an agony.
For those of us who don't pay overmuch attention to our routines, the biggest surprise they produce is usually disruption of same. Sudden medical or financial issues, new opportunities and many many issues associated with child rearing to name just a few, all serve to shoulder us out of our daily paths.
Clearly, this can be for good, for bad or both.
I am however, slowly learning though that these are all good in at least one sense. Namely, they categorically serve to invite us into something new. And that something new always includes a choice.
The choice is this: What will be our response to the new disruption? Who will we share it's import with? And for those of us that follow Christ, who, what and where is he in our new, disrupted reality?
We often confuse uneventful routine with peace. Peace is not the absence of adversity or challenge. Peace is always in relationship and always a response, until it is finally grafted into us as an indivisible piece of who we are.
He writes early in OWP that he was surprised that while he moved into a natural setting, in part to not be subject to the work-a-day grind of city life, he still carried many routines with him into the woods.
In particular, he observes that after two weeks living, he'd already worn a trail to the pond. He deems the fact of that path to be a problem, given what he'd moved to the woods to do.
If he and I'd talked about this before he'd left (I can't think why he didn't call), I'd have bet him lunch money that he'd have carried with him a great number of his old routines and once there, created other new ones to accommodate his new life. After all, it was his adventure, not someone else's...of course he'd take himself.
For Thoreau, the surprise was in his reflexive creation of new routine. I think that was a confusion. I'd submit that routine isn't intrinsically either good or bad. It's how we live and listen in our routines that gives them their great good value or that can even cause them to be an agony.
For those of us who don't pay overmuch attention to our routines, the biggest surprise they produce is usually disruption of same. Sudden medical or financial issues, new opportunities and many many issues associated with child rearing to name just a few, all serve to shoulder us out of our daily paths.
Clearly, this can be for good, for bad or both.
I am however, slowly learning though that these are all good in at least one sense. Namely, they categorically serve to invite us into something new. And that something new always includes a choice.
The choice is this: What will be our response to the new disruption? Who will we share it's import with? And for those of us that follow Christ, who, what and where is he in our new, disrupted reality?
We often confuse uneventful routine with peace. Peace is not the absence of adversity or challenge. Peace is always in relationship and always a response, until it is finally grafted into us as an indivisible piece of who we are.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
At Arms Length
This is going to be short...You're welcome. It's going to be about me...I apologize.
I heard an honest statement recently: "Everyone's wonderful until you get to know them." And naturally, the inverse applies and that is, until they get to know you.
The way we often cope with getting to know someone as described in the context above, is to use our many carefully honed social skills that allow us to emotionally hold people at arms length. Over the years of our lives, we've practiced this kind of distancing a good bit, with everyone from family members to distant acquaintances, to all points in between.
Because of our definition as individuals, our different life experiences and even the mood of the day, some of us will be easier to get along with than others of us and that's a good thing.
The point here is to not resort to emotional reflex in our relationships. In most cases of course, boundaries of some type are appropriate and helpful. However, the point here is that in implementing boundaries we should not become reflexive in relationship. When we hear someone's voice and maybe look in their eyes, we should be trying to hear and see them, not the sum of our experience with them. They're facing a new day and so are we.
And guess what...For those that follow Christ, this applies first and foremost to our relationship with him.
Every day is new. At some level, so are we. I want to try and remember that each day.
So: Good morning! How ARE you doing today?
I heard an honest statement recently: "Everyone's wonderful until you get to know them." And naturally, the inverse applies and that is, until they get to know you.
The way we often cope with getting to know someone as described in the context above, is to use our many carefully honed social skills that allow us to emotionally hold people at arms length. Over the years of our lives, we've practiced this kind of distancing a good bit, with everyone from family members to distant acquaintances, to all points in between.
Because of our definition as individuals, our different life experiences and even the mood of the day, some of us will be easier to get along with than others of us and that's a good thing.
The point here is to not resort to emotional reflex in our relationships. In most cases of course, boundaries of some type are appropriate and helpful. However, the point here is that in implementing boundaries we should not become reflexive in relationship. When we hear someone's voice and maybe look in their eyes, we should be trying to hear and see them, not the sum of our experience with them. They're facing a new day and so are we.
And guess what...For those that follow Christ, this applies first and foremost to our relationship with him.
Every day is new. At some level, so are we. I want to try and remember that each day.
So: Good morning! How ARE you doing today?
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Everything You Know Is Wrong
The Firesign Theater is still around. I'd explain what the were, are, want to be when they grow up but it would be pointless since at a very real level they never defined themselves as far as anyone can tell, including them. Probably the best way to think of them when they started (in the late '60's) is as a bunch of pretty funny and creative kids with tape recorders...crossed with Monty Python's Flying Circus. In fact, you can pretty much think of them like that right up until today and be mostly correct.
If you're interested in looking them over, you can find them here: Firesign Theater.
Even their album titles were astonishingly creative. These included: "Waiting for the Electrician, or Someone Like Him," "How you can be Two Places at Once When You're not Anywhere at all" and of course "Don't Crush that Dwarf, Hand me the Pliers." I know...I don't get it either but somehow it does make me smile.
My favorite album title of theirs is the title of this post, "Everything You Know Is Wrong." I think the cover graphic was a flying saucer and that it was all an oblique reference to a line from the movie, "The Day the Earth Stood Still." What I liked about the title initially and still appreciate, is the sheer audacity of it. I don't care if they are kidding, to make that definitive a statement takes guts.
Over the years, I've come to realize that there's a big truth in that little joke. Maybe not everything I know is wrong, but in a half century of living I've learned that way too much of the time, I can be a lot more wrong than I'd like. This has led me to a vague suspicion about things I still think I might be right about. I've come to wonder what my own catalog of "true facts" might be hiding or at least obscuring.
My biggest revelation in this area has been regarding God. When I was young, I used to consider it a virtue, and I was pretty sure God thought it was cool too, if I knew a lot about him. For example, it was good to know all the powerful things he did through and with people. And then, once you knew all that good stuff, it was really good to do the good stuff he thinks we should be doing...do do do, good good good.
These days, while I don't think there's anything wrong with knowing all that stuff (it can even be quite helpful), I have come to understand that if that is the sum of your relationship with God is, then truly Everything you Know is Wrong.
It's wrong because we're called and invited into relationship with God. The Kingdom of God does not enroll us in a class. At the crucial moment, we won't be weighed on a scale or quizzed for literacy. It will just be Jesus saying, "Man, it is good to see you." Or less pleasantly, "Huh. I don't think I remember you." If this sounds jarring, read or re-read Matthew Chapter 7 and know that Jesus isn't kidding. (The whole chapter applies but for the purposes here, start paying close attention at verse 20.)
It's desperately important to understand that when the bible talks about knowing God it means knowing him like you know your spouse. This is the type of "knowing" we're invited into, not fact memorization.
As always though, Jesus is nothing if not chocked full of grace. If your relationship with God seems a bit heavy on the fact side, just make the next step relational. Jesus will fill in the rest. He cares much more about direction than he does about location. He'll help you along even if Everything You Know Is Wrong. Trust me on this. I speak from experience.
If you're interested in looking them over, you can find them here: Firesign Theater.
Even their album titles were astonishingly creative. These included: "Waiting for the Electrician, or Someone Like Him," "How you can be Two Places at Once When You're not Anywhere at all" and of course "Don't Crush that Dwarf, Hand me the Pliers." I know...I don't get it either but somehow it does make me smile.
My favorite album title of theirs is the title of this post, "Everything You Know Is Wrong." I think the cover graphic was a flying saucer and that it was all an oblique reference to a line from the movie, "The Day the Earth Stood Still." What I liked about the title initially and still appreciate, is the sheer audacity of it. I don't care if they are kidding, to make that definitive a statement takes guts.
Over the years, I've come to realize that there's a big truth in that little joke. Maybe not everything I know is wrong, but in a half century of living I've learned that way too much of the time, I can be a lot more wrong than I'd like. This has led me to a vague suspicion about things I still think I might be right about. I've come to wonder what my own catalog of "true facts" might be hiding or at least obscuring.
My biggest revelation in this area has been regarding God. When I was young, I used to consider it a virtue, and I was pretty sure God thought it was cool too, if I knew a lot about him. For example, it was good to know all the powerful things he did through and with people. And then, once you knew all that good stuff, it was really good to do the good stuff he thinks we should be doing...do do do, good good good.
These days, while I don't think there's anything wrong with knowing all that stuff (it can even be quite helpful), I have come to understand that if that is the sum of your relationship with God is, then truly Everything you Know is Wrong.
It's wrong because we're called and invited into relationship with God. The Kingdom of God does not enroll us in a class. At the crucial moment, we won't be weighed on a scale or quizzed for literacy. It will just be Jesus saying, "Man, it is good to see you." Or less pleasantly, "Huh. I don't think I remember you." If this sounds jarring, read or re-read Matthew Chapter 7 and know that Jesus isn't kidding. (The whole chapter applies but for the purposes here, start paying close attention at verse 20.)
It's desperately important to understand that when the bible talks about knowing God it means knowing him like you know your spouse. This is the type of "knowing" we're invited into, not fact memorization.
As always though, Jesus is nothing if not chocked full of grace. If your relationship with God seems a bit heavy on the fact side, just make the next step relational. Jesus will fill in the rest. He cares much more about direction than he does about location. He'll help you along even if Everything You Know Is Wrong. Trust me on this. I speak from experience.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Jerking Knees
There used to be an old medical test performed by doctors and occasionally for fun by childhood friends and siblings, that involved having the patient sit with legs swinging free. The doctor would then use a specific sort of rubber mallet and gently strike the patient just below the knee.
If you're about my age, you might remember incurring this test as a child. It fell out of fashion because it tests a very simple circuit that really should work all the time, even if the patient is comatose. I usually experience general disbelief when I explain what this test tests to someone. This test sends a signal up exactly one cell to the spinal column to another cell. The knee twitch message is carried back to the knee by exactly one other cell. The feeling of sensation is carried by many smaller cells. Two cells complete the circuit of perception and reaction. These are indeed, counter intuitively long cells.
Reactions to recent events in Arizona (i.e. a public multiple murder) often resemble a great community of reflexively jerking knees. The acts of heroism at the scene (often described by the heroes as "just reflex"), the overwhelming outpouring of every kind of sympathy and empathy from both supporters and opponents are but two examples of the very positive things a behavioral jerking knee can produce. Of course there were also negative reactions, including attempts to assign blame to various political quarters, extending even to calls for making some sorts of speech illegal.
Fortunately, unlike the physiology associated with our knees, we can and should learn to edit and redirect our reflexive responses. The processes and values in this pursuit are challenging and varied. For those who follow Christ, this is a work into which he must be allowed and even invited to participate.
I will offer only two suggestions regarding the process of restructuring our reflexes. As we look and possibly recoil at the acts and speech of others, resist the temptation to express the negative while any hint of reflex remains. Secondly, engage the person on the "other side," holding their intrinsic worth and value as being more important than a singular opinion, or even the sum of their opinions. Thus, even when we are challenging their dearly and deeply held beliefs, we are doing so out of our love and care for them, rather than from a reaction of what is perhaps one of our own personal very short circuits.
If you're about my age, you might remember incurring this test as a child. It fell out of fashion because it tests a very simple circuit that really should work all the time, even if the patient is comatose. I usually experience general disbelief when I explain what this test tests to someone. This test sends a signal up exactly one cell to the spinal column to another cell. The knee twitch message is carried back to the knee by exactly one other cell. The feeling of sensation is carried by many smaller cells. Two cells complete the circuit of perception and reaction. These are indeed, counter intuitively long cells.
Reactions to recent events in Arizona (i.e. a public multiple murder) often resemble a great community of reflexively jerking knees. The acts of heroism at the scene (often described by the heroes as "just reflex"), the overwhelming outpouring of every kind of sympathy and empathy from both supporters and opponents are but two examples of the very positive things a behavioral jerking knee can produce. Of course there were also negative reactions, including attempts to assign blame to various political quarters, extending even to calls for making some sorts of speech illegal.
Fortunately, unlike the physiology associated with our knees, we can and should learn to edit and redirect our reflexive responses. The processes and values in this pursuit are challenging and varied. For those who follow Christ, this is a work into which he must be allowed and even invited to participate.
I will offer only two suggestions regarding the process of restructuring our reflexes. As we look and possibly recoil at the acts and speech of others, resist the temptation to express the negative while any hint of reflex remains. Secondly, engage the person on the "other side," holding their intrinsic worth and value as being more important than a singular opinion, or even the sum of their opinions. Thus, even when we are challenging their dearly and deeply held beliefs, we are doing so out of our love and care for them, rather than from a reaction of what is perhaps one of our own personal very short circuits.
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